Real Men Vacuum

The mud room is loaded with bees. There are clusters on the door and window. A few bees buzz around the room. A few more linger on the honey boxes in the center of the floor.

Even though Beekeeper Man put a bee escape on the hives to minimize the number of bees clinging to the honey boxes, there are always some that remain.

So, Beekeeper Man dons his protective gear in the kitchen and ventures into the mud room to plug in the vacuum. And he vacuums up the bees.

He has a vacuum dedicated for bees.

He also has a vacuum dedicated to man cave messes. He has the obligatory ShopVac, and he is the primary user of the DustBuster.

My husband has more vacuums than I do. It doesn’t mean he vacuums more than I do. He just has more.

I have a single vacuum. It cleans the house. I like it. A lot. My husband may not use it. He will get it dirty.

Eventually, however, all my vacuums get gross and less efficient and/or stop working, and they sit abandoned in a closet until my husband says, “Can I have that?”

I explain how it doesn’t work very well. And then he cleans it all up and it works great.

His vacuums are my rejects.

The Dirt Devil is his bee vacuum. It’s a cheap vacuum that I bought because I was tired of fighting with the large cumbersome Eureka which was clearly designed by a man clueless as to the vacuuming needs of women. The Dirt Devil was not only inexpensive (aka disposable), it is lightweight. But, alas, not really up to the challenge of a whole house. It eventually went to live in the vacuum graveyard—the closet in the guest bedroom.


One summer day, Beekeeper Man brought honey boxes into the mud room to harvest honey. There were more than a few straggler bees on the boxes and he wanted to use my brand new Shark vacuum to suck them up.

No way!

So I gifted him with the Dirt Devil.

And now he is Dirt Deviling bees in the mud room. Then he will take the canister outside and set them free.

And we will take the honey.

And my vacuum will remain unscathed by honey bees.

And we will remain married.