Geezer’s World

Saturday morning my husband and I got an  early start to do errands, one of which was to hit a big sale on compression socks at the new Austin Pharmacy in Cockeysville.  This is how you know we are turning into old people:  I–that’s right, me, myself–got up early on a Saturday to go buy John compression socks.  Not only that, but we had received a personal phone call inviting us to the sale.  Hey, this is a big deal.  When was the last time you got a personal phone call–from an actual live person–inviting you to a one day sale on anything?  And when do compression socks ever, ever go on sale?  We had to go.  And it’s a good thing we went early or they might have sold out of John’s socks.  It was Leg Health Appreciation Day.  Every compression sock wearer in the area was bound to be there.

Once we were there, we got to participate in a drawing for free compression socks.  Be still, my heart, what if we actually win?  That would be so sweet!  You laugh…but that tells me that you have never had to pay for compression socks.  At over $70 a pair, I will definitely fill out a form to try to win some free socks.  We also got a free gift–a lingerie bag and cleaning solution for the socks.  That was rather exciting.

After purchasing John’s socks, I wanted to peruse the store.  I was immediately impressed by the wide variety of canes.  Although I, with my super-duper titanium hip, don’t need one anymore, I can appreciate the selection.  These days, I’m looking at canes for my mother-in-law.  I saw a couple of options for canes with fold-out seats.  Very cool.  But they had all sorts of other cool stuff there, too: easy chairs with ejector seats, and even portable ejector seats to eject you from any seat anywhere.   How cool is that?  I did not see an ejector seat for the potty, but they had lots of potty seats.  And a slew of seats and stools and benches for getting into the bathtub or sitting down while showering.

There were several kinds of baskets and cupholders to attach to walkers.  It got me thinking…Christmas will be here before you know it and my sister will be needing a new hip before she knows it.  Maybe I should get a little jump start on things and  buy her a walker basket.  She might not thank me right away, but I can tell you from personal experience that a basket is a very good attachment to have on a walker.

Then, oh, jackpot, I saw specialty cushions for elevating the legs while sleeping.  The foam wedge that John uses is getting kind of ratty looking.  Austin’s had a really nice cushion that elevates the legs but also supports the lower back.  John has  lower back problems and this looked to be just what he needs.  By this time, however, John was eager to get going.  We had already had a lengthy discussion with the saleswoman about different types of fish oil.  Since we had more errands to run and John was not interested in buying a leg cushion, we left.

It was a nice cushion though.  And Christmas is coming.  Just sayin’.

Friday night with the Geezers

geezer (gee-zer) n. 1. any old person in front of you on the Beltway driving at 25 mph 2. your grandparents

Oh wait, words change meaning over time…

geezer (gee-zer) n. 1. any person a generation older than you who cannot or will not keep pace with your frantic lifestyle, changing technology, or morphing vocabulary 2. your parents

And time marches on…

geezer (gee-zer) n. 1. a person whose lifetime capacity for stress has been depleted by working full-time, raising children, commuting, and keeping up with an ever-rapidly changing environment while keeping one’s mouth shut because what he/she really thinks would incinerate all by-standers 2. you

It was quite a week…for a geezer.  Not only was it the first full non-snowing week in forever, not only did I have to teach all four preps every single day, but the days were filled with non-prep activities: staffing placement for next year, curriculum development for next year, parental/administrative conflict on a departmental level, massive numbers of emails that required actual reading, thought, and response ASAP.

Meanwhile, the Jeep suffered a bent tie-rod while being towed out of too-deep snow which required John to rent a car (as in, I made him rent a car because I had no intentions of car-pooling with him all week to my job 30 miles away with his random schedule that would have left me stranded at school until who-knows-when).  John spent a busy week (and many miles) being a good IBM-er and making the planet a better place–or at least saving PNC and TSA.  Considering that their data centers represent the U.S. money supply and transportation security, we can all sleep better knowing John is an IBM-er. 

Friday night, therefore, could not come soon enough.  I did my usual stop at Wegmans on my way home, with my joints aching like crazy from the extended cold spell we’ve been having.  It was all I could do to drag the groceries into the house.

So we had our Friday repast: shrimp with cocktail sauce, fresh peppers, French cheese with rosemary bread.  John, of course, can’t sit at the table too long because his circulation can’t quite handle gravity anymore, so he had to go lie on the sofa.  After two glasses of wine I, too, was a little weary of gravity and aimed for a sofa.

I barely remember getting on the sofa, let alone falling asleep.  It happened that fast.  Instant sleep and instant snoring.  It was the snoring that caused John to look over and see me comatose with wine glass in hand.  He took the glass from me and set it on the coffee table.  I was clueless. 

John put on a movie.  Very softly so as not to disturb me. ( You might think this would be a perfect time to put on Clint or Arnold or Mel–I can’t stand Mad Max movies– but no, he decided to watch The Proposal–classic chick  flic.)  The more he got into the movie (tears spilling down his cheeks), the louder the snoring got.  He inched up the volume more and more and more.  Finally, the movie ended, the credits were rolling, and the volume was enough to wake the dead.

And it did.  First thing I said was:  “It’s too loud!  Turn it down!”

Of course, my two hour nap meant that I had to read for about that long before falling asleep–in bed, with the light on, and earplugs in to block out the snortling coming from John beside me.