Hurricane Irene is bearing down on the East Coast in the most exciting hurricane event since the Great Atlantic Hurricane of ’44.  The Jersey Shore has called for the evacuation of everyone east of Route 9.   And Dear ol’ Dad is not here to track it.  (Although this may be his latest responsibility since joining the celestial weather committee.) Oh my gosh, how are we to get through a hurricane without Dad?

As the firstborn, I feel a responsibility to the family.  You can count on me to provide accurate, up-to-the minute weather reports from my station here in the Hereford Zone.

Check Facebook for frequent updates!

As firstborn, I also feel the need to delegate and have come up with assignments for my siblings.  It would be helpful if you would submit photos.

Jim,  I’ve seen the hurricane tracking map on your fridge.  It is your job to track the course of the storm.  This may involve following the tracks of everyone living with you and submitting video of the trail of beer cans thoughout the house.

Ed, you have Dad’s barometer.  I do hope it is in the family room.  Your job is to trot downstairs throughout the night in just your pajama  bottoms (this may involve actually putting on pajama bottoms) to tap, tap, tap the barometer. For maximum effect, do this in front of your children and block the tv screen.

Mary Beth, your job is to provide the human interest side of this storm.  The emotional drama.  Fear, pain, loss of possessions (confiscation of cell phones, perhaps).  I know you can do this.  Erik, you can report on wind speed.  With all drama coming from Mary Beth, you should be able to do this from the kitchen.

Theresa, you can provide live reports from Chicago, London, Sidney, and Bald Head Island.  Bald Head is still there, right?

Pete, you’ve got traffic reports from the Pennsylvania line down to Fells Point.   You have that wired into your Smart House already, right?

Matt, you’ve got post storm appraisals of all our properties and Kathe will provide suggestions for our post-storm decorating needs.  I personally am anticipating a need for accent pillows in the master bedroom.

Mom has already been assigned to stay up all night watching the Weather Channel, but I suspect that she is going to watch Turner Classic Movies until the power goes out and her wickless candles from Pottery Barn turn on.

To your posts, people!