Slightly Off the Grid

What is my mission? These days my mission is figuring out what my mission is. Without the minute by minute structure of a teaching day, I am adrift with the unending possibilities before me. Kind of like an astronaut floating untethered in the vastness of space.

The temptation is to create a tether. Initially, my tether was a schedule. I had a nice balance, I thought, between social, emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual activities. I found I had something meaningful to do everyday of the week.

And that was the problem. I need down time. Lots of down time. Days in a row down time.

At home.

Alone.

So my tether in the face of the infinite universe changed from a schedule of outside activities with an interesting assortment of people to a non-schedule of alone time that would enable me actually want to connect with other people.

(Can you tell how introverted I am?)

Determining my mission also involves determining what is not my mission. There are many wonderful things that want doing, that need doing, that I would really enjoy doing. But they can be distractions from what I should be doing. (Once figure out what that is).

A friend passed along to me advice that had been given to her before she retired: wait eighteen months before committing to anything. People, she was warned, will come out of the woodwork asking you to do things, and you will find yourself busier than you were when you were working. And it is so true! I’ve already had invitations or inquiries about singing, writing, teaching French, substitute teaching, and planning trips.

What to do? A Chinese proverb says that a trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It has also been said that you can’t learn to drive in a parked car. And in the deeply moving film What About Bob?, Richard Dreyfuss’ physiotherapist character recommends taking baby steps.

Instead of searching for an overall Big Mission (with implied goals, objectives and —shudder—deadlines), I’m testing the idea of being flexible for each day’s little missions. In other words, let’s make a to-do list but see what happens today. The sloth in me really likes this idea. The control freak is nervous.

Yesterday my mission was to finish undecorating the Christmas tree. I ended up writing a note to a friend, having lunch with another, and watching feverish grandchildren. It was a meaningful day, although I didn’t get the tree done, which has to be done before Thursday. But today is another day, another opportunity to tackle the Christmas tree and the host of other decluttering tasks on my list.

Or stare out the window at the raindrops, pondering my mission in this vast universe. My Fitbit would prefer that I take several thousand baby steps. Ok, fine. I can ponder the universe while I walk.